Why

Why do i do anything anymore. Why do i even try....i'm done this is stupid, i just wanna curse right now, but it wouldn't do any good, no one is even effing listening.

I feel like I've been cheating on this blog.....I started a new blog, even though I plan on using them simultaneously I haven't been over here in a while. Maybe because I didn't have much to say?

Well, I have yet to lie to you since no one will probably read this and if they do, I pretend they don't...so might as well not start now so I'll just say it.

I am afraid. I am one who isn't usually afraid of anything...not that I'm super macho or above being afraid, I just never saw the point in it, I have a healthy fear of Lightning, yet every time it storms I am outside watching it. But I am afraid of not knowing what I'm doing with my life, afraid if I've made the right choices, afraid of never finding someone who will love me and want to spend their life with me. To be honest, I don't know why these thoughts have so consumed my mind as much as they have these past few weeks. I had a friend who was honest enough to tell me I just need to stop worrying about finding a wife/girlfriend so much. And I agree, I've never been one to worry about that? So Why all of the sudden is it one of the main topics of my never-ending brain. Maybe it's because it's something that honestly doesn't matter, so If I worry about that intead of all the other things that are causing me stress, then I won't feel as bad? I don't know. Maybe I'm just in a weird place in my life, and I'm questioning a lot of things.

Well blog, always know you were my first, and I'll never forget you....ok maybe I will one day, but not yet, I still love you. haha i'm such a dork.


you stay classy internet

Relationships, Riches, and Remembering

On Friday, I had a meeting with Jackson Dunn, He works for the "Center for Relationship Enrichment" basically long story short they do these assessments on your "EQ" or Emotional Intelligence, and they look at everything from self-image, to your view of relationships...etc. And basically one thing we talked about is how I don't recognize my emotions as easily as I notice them in others. Interesting talk...

Anyway, I have been thinking about money a lot lately, I hate money, I wish we didn't need it, but alas, we do. So I thought it would be cool to win the lottery, but I don't really want to win like $300 Million cause that is just WAY too much...I just want like $20 million, I'm ok with that. I've just been a little stressed with Owing school money, Dr's bills, and still needing about $1200 for my Choir trip to Northern Ireland. It's very stressful, plus I am trying to live off-campus next year, and they guys want to start the lease in May, and I don't even have a job. So, I have been having a lot of difficulties not worrying and letting the Holy Spirit take over my worries and fears.

Which leads me into my final "R" Remembering God. Francis Chan wrote a book about how we neglect and even forget about the Holy Spirit, in his book "Forgotten God" It is amazing!! And it's helping me realize that it is in a sense normal that I have trouble with "letting go and letting God" but it's still not good. We either believe What Jesus said in the Bible, and know that the Holy Spirit is in us, and will give us the things He promised if we pray for them, or we don't! There's not an option where we believe and get let down. If we are asking for the things that we are promised and we have faith, He WILL give them to us. No matter what your belief on the Holy Spirit is, I think you need to read this book. Charismatic or Conservative, the Holy Spirit IS part of the Trinity, and as such should be revered, and remembered!

I hope when you read this you will be closer in your walk with God then you were when you wrote it. Bye Phillip, go drink your iced mocha.

4:20 & High as a Bird

Now, before you freak out, I didn't do any drugs. But what I did do was something I hadn't done in a very long time, at least not just for the heck of it. I climbed a tree. There are these big trees on the quad of JBU's Siloam Springs campus. One of them in particular is my favorite. Favorite for one of the most relaxing things a person can do..Hammock :D I have a GREAT hammock, I got it for Christmas from my parents, per my specific request (I don't usually ask for anything.) I received an ENO Double Nest hammock, holds two people and up to 400 lbs. Or, in my case....just me. As I climbed up the tree about 20 feet or so, wrapped the Slap Straps and set up my hammock, I sat there in utter relaxation, and my mind wondered (as it normally does.) So I decided to climb out of my hammock and climb higher into this tree. As I reached the point where I stopped climbing, I looked at my phone and it was 4:20 pm. As I felt the branches swaying beneath my feet, due to the mighty winds, I realized how amazing God is. Even though MOST of the trees on campus were planted by JBU to make our campus beautiful (they do look pretty good.) There are a few that have been there for a while. Behind me was the old cemetery, with hedge stones older than I care to imagine. To my left the Walker Student Center, my right the Engineering building and Mayfield. I could see a good ways off into the distance of the Ozark landscape of Northwest Arkansas. I stood there for a good 20 minutes just swaying and moving with the tree, feeling the sun on my skin and the breeze wrinkle my shirt with every breath. I felt two conflicting emotions. I felt great humility with how GREAT my GOD is, and how HE made all of these beautiful things for little ol' me. The other was loneliness, when I truly realized how short life is, and how Beautiful Creation is, I couldn't help but realize I kept looking around for someone I knew. Someone I could share this beautiful view with. I felt like that is how God intended for us to enjoy His Creation, with someone we love. First family, then Friends, then eventually the person that we will spend our lives with.
So I climbed back down, and got into my hammock, and pulled out my book "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan, and read a chapter. I could blog a lot about Francis Chan, but I won't. Let's just suffice it to say, he is an awesome author, and is good at making anyone want to be closer to God. But, I did enjoy reading, and having some alone time with just me and God, but I realized that even though, I may not be at a place in my life where I am ready for Marriage, but I do want that day to come.....sooner rather then later.

Ok, Phillip, that's it for now. Now, GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

Guns, Tattoos, and Depression.

If you would have told me 10 years ago, that when I was 23 I would have a hard time choosing between getting a tattoo or buying a new gun...well, it's true. I paid my taxes like everyone is suppose to (don't even get me started on that) and I don't know what to do when my tax return comes back. I want to get a tattoo of Romans 1:16 and the words "Not Ashamed" that my good friend is drawing up for me. But I also want a revolver. Both would be AROUND the same price, and I would probably have both for the rest of my life. So I am stumped.

Also, I've been kinda bummed, not really depressed, but it made the title sound cooler, but definetly bummed. I applied to be a barista at a new local coffee shop opening up soon, and I didn't get it. I didn't BOMB the interview, in fact they hire 9 people, and I was 10th on the list. That on top of all the school stress, I've just been really down. So, any of you people out there reading this, IF ANYONE DOES, pray for me to cheer up and to see myself how God sees me.

okthanksbye,

Phillip

Hate is a strong word,

But I really, Really, Really don't like Valentine's Day.

Tattoo

So, I've been thinking of getting another tattoo. I want one of the scriptures that I've been thinking about. Even though No one reads this, I will post it anyway. So, here are my "options"

1 Corinthians 10:23 (love this verse and what it stands for)
2 Corinthians 7:10 with the words "No Regrets"

the next thing I was thinking is getting the words "Not Ashamed" with either
2 Timothy 2:15
or
Romans 1:16

If anyone reads this, comment and tell me what you think.

Help a little girl find a home

And get a chance to win an iPod. Follow the link to the site, read Olga's story, and follow the directions for a chance to win an iPod touch. http://babynumber10.blogspot.com May Olga find a loving, godly home by Christmas!

Brokenness

Darkness came, and happiness died
Even hope seems not enough
To keep me from hating life
I just wish I could run and hide

Never enough, I’m never enough
For anyone’s hopes and dreams
Why can’t I just this once
Be good in someone’s eyes

Even the sun seems dark
When compared to the light
The light that was in your eyes
Why must I always be alone

My heart breaks and my bones ache
For some shred of happiness
Yet it never comes
Tears come and go, but pain stays

Surrounded by darkness and empty feelings
Why does everything I love have to leave
Broken I sit here writing these words
Rhyme or prose means nothing to me anymore

Hope for a future seems so dim
For I am not worth waiting for
Why would perfection wait for brokenness
Why would she wait for me.

Dear Rose

Your love is like a rose,
So beautiful and strong.
But if I do not water it,
It cannot last as long.

Hear me! Oh, dear rose.
I know that you love me,
It's not that I do not love you,
I just feel so unworthy.

Unworthy of your precious love.
Unworthy of your grace.
Unworthy of your very presence.
And of your smiling face.

But you have found me worthy,
Though I cannot see why?
You love every part of me,
Even parts I wish would die.

Beside you I will stand.
And for you I will fight!
I pray that every single day,
You'll be in my sight.

An Untitled Psalm

I have always admired King David, especially his Psalms. I think for me, I love music so much, I can relate to feeling like the best way to express yourself to God is through songs. I also love how honest, and broken he is with his lyrics, so I wrote this and it had a psalm vibe to it, so I call it

"The Untitled Psalm"

In my darkest hour,
In my time of need.
I call upon the Lord,
And fall down at His feet.

You guide me with your rod.
You bruise me with your staff.
So break me everyday,
With your love and not your wrath.

Please pull me from this pit,
For I can't get away.
And place me in your arms,
There forever I may stay.

Personification

Ok, so I have this friend, who is an amazing writer. And she does this thing, where she personifies something abstract. Like love, or purity, or wisdom. It's really cool! Well, this is my attempt at the same thing. I call it "Fear"

Fear

Fear is an old, distant friend. He use to visit me often, but he hasn't been around in years. He use to bother me so much. He would make it hard to be asleep, and he always bothered you when you were alone. His two best friend Pain and Suffering were always close by. Although I haven't seen Fear in quite some time, his friends like to stick around. They are like a constant shadow in my life. They give a false sense of comfort in their presence. Like a strange but sweet comfort? Sometimes you feel they'll never leave, then Grace and Peace come for a visit, and Pain and Suffering leave in a hurry.

These Walls (with addition)

These walls that took so long to build
Quickly come crashing down.
Once up so tall and strong,
They now lie broken on the ground.

How can I forget what once was?
When I’m reminded of what it’s become.

I felt your pain and misery.
You know all my insecurities.
You had the opportunity.
Were you just using me?

Now I know what it means to be free.
These walls were never meant to be.


These walls have all been rebuilt.
Now they are stronger than Ever!
Where I was once so weak,
Now I am ready for these endeavors

How can I forget what I once was?
When I look back at what I've become.

You felt the pain and misery.
I know all of your insecurities.
We had the opportunity.
Can't we be in Harmony.

Now you know what it means to be free.
These walls were never meant to be.

Writing

Well, I haven't written in a long time. Not only on here, but writing in general. BUT, I have been inspired by a great friend to start writing again. The first thing I am going to post is the second half of the song "These Walls" so keep an eye out for that.

Well, My parents went to go pick up the moving truck today, and to drop off our dog to his new home. It's a little eerie here all alone. Every time I see something, I feel so weird thinking in 3 days, I'll never see it again...well maybe never, but never again as MY home. It's hard to put in words, I'm not really an emotional person, like, I'm not sad? it's just weird...idk how to put it. So as i sit here with Air1.com blasting through the house so it's not so empty...I think back at all the memories i've made in this house. How many new friends i made while i lived here. How different life would've been had i NEVER lived here. What life's gonna be like with my parents 3,000 miles away. I feel like writing a song, but the words are just out of my grasp. so, i'll just keep writing this blog, that no one reads...so this is to YOU Phillip Arthur Munshausen III It doesnt matter if anyone else will ever read this blog, cause this is for you to express what you feel, when you're not really sure how. and to anyone who might stumble onto this page...My you know that there is a God who loves you. Who sent HIS son JESUS to die for your sins, and all you have to do is accept his wonderful gift, of Eternal life. And I leave you with this...Let go, and Let GOD!

The Big Move!

In case you guys hadn't heard. My parents were offered, and accepted a job for ACE Ministries. They will be working as Home School Representatives, trying to sell ACE's curriculum to families who home school. This is part of the area they will be covering. For sure we know that they will cover Georgia, Florida, and Alabama. But they may also have Mississippi, Arkansas, and South Carolina. The blue dot-thingie, is where they are planning to live.





Valdosta - Google Maps



As you may know, I want to move to Oregon, but this just complicates things further. I figured I would have my parents living in CA when I first moved, so I could have somewhere close by where I could keep most of my stuff until I find a place to live. But with them moving ACROSS THE COUNTRY!!!! I don't know what to do, then of course they want me to go with them. I am so confused right now, it's tough, cause none of these decisions are easy. No matter what I choose to do, I will be away from Family. This is a very tough decision, and I would ask anyone who reads this to pray for me! To add to the confusion, I JUST got my insurance in CA to get my knee worked on, so if I want my knee to be fixed I am going to have to stay in CA until I get it fixed. :[ And since my knee isn't fixed, I haven't gotten a job, so I'm broke, and couldn't move if I wanted too. Double :[

well, i will talk to you guys later .

Anger

There is this little thing called anger. Anger is like a ninja, it influences those around it, and by the time you notice it....it's too late. Why is it that when something upsets you, you don't realize that you're so upset. But then something little, almost unbelievably small sets you off? Usually you would keep your calm, and just not let it bother you, but this time.....this time you are already upset. All the little things have been weighing you down more than you know. Maybe they're not little things? Maybe just maybe it is something big? Something that to you, is one of the most important things? I don't have an answer. People get upset, and people get angry, all I know is God is the only one who can help you take away your anger. And even then you have to WANT Him to take it. well..... self ... that is all for know. I will write more to myself later.

Take it Easy -Phillip

WOW!

It has been over a month since my last post...man, where does time go...well anyways...The day after my last post. ie Christmas, I hurt my knee pretty bad, it was totally dislocated and swollen, and it hurt. Well, I finally got X rays but the doctor said it didn't show anything conclusive. So that means i have to make another appointment to have an MRI scheduled. And yesterday, my big toe nails (aka the Toenails of Evil) were really bothering me again. I've had them removed by doctors about 6 or more times. So, I decided that I was over qualified to perform such a procedure on myself....but I did it anyway. So, know my knee isn't hurting too bad, but my big toe..the left one to be exact, is really hurting. I know that sounds like it was a stupid idea, but if I didn't remove it, it would constantly hurt me all day, every time i take a step, so yeah. That's about it in my world.

CHRISTmas Eve!!!!!

Well, i don't really have anything important to say, but it has been almost a month since my last post...which was on my birthday..not that anybody reads this..So I figured it was about time i posted something again. So here it goes.

It is Christmas Eve at about 5pm in the evening, and my mom is making the traditional Clam Chowder, don't ask why that is tradition cause i have NO IDEA. Most of the family that is going to be here tomorrow is still NOT here, but that's normal, they are late to everything. Reggie, one of my best friends, and my sisters Boyfriend IS here, but that's normal too, he practically lives here. But, very soon my house will be filled with about 32 people, it will be packed out...but I LOVE IT.

So since i won't be posting anything tomorrow, Let me give you a play by play for what's gonna go down...no i'm not psychic, we just do the same thing every year....I will wake up MUCH earlier than i would like, Thanks a lot David!, i will open my stalking which will be waiting for me outside my bedroom door. I will then go back to sleep for about another hour or so, then I'll get up for the day.

The Moms and Grandmas and Aunts will be cooking all morning, and everyone will be getting hungry. We will be waiting on my Uncle, who is late so much he will probably be late to his own funeral. When he finally gets here we will all sit around the living room, dining room, and kitchen area, and all the men in the family, and a few girls, will be given a selection of scripture pertaining to the Christmas story....My dad of course will read Luke 2, particularly the part that Linus from Charlie Brown reads.....and of course he will cry while doing so...

After all the reading is done, most of the children will be whining about being hungry, and we will then eat. There will be enough food to feed 143 people, and there will be TONS of leftovers.

After eating we will start the part of CHRISTmas that gets most of the attention and sadly what most people think CHRISTmas is about. The presents....We will then spend a few hours opening presents, tearing into wrapping paper like the contents of the package will change our lives.....even though the only gift that will is the Death and Resurrection of Christ Jesus, the TRUE Reason for the Season! But during this barrage of torn paper and presents, another Family Tradition emerges.....Christmas Paper Fight.... Let me explain.... We take up all the paper from the gifts, ball it up, and hurl it at people....it sounds crazy, but it's fun.

Well my non-readers....that in a nutshell is how CHRISTmas goes around the Munshausen place.

All are welcome. All are loved. All are family.

new Template

Hey, so if anyone even reads this, I got a new template for the blog, and i also changed the name to Untitled, i was gonna think of something clever, cause some people have these cute little names for their blogs, that go with their name...but my name starts with a P and sounds like an F, so i got tired of thinking of something clever so i just put Untitled.....so yeah.